


before these tears turn into snow

by phtaejun



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Choi Beomgyu-Centric, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Whipped Choi Beomgyu, Whipped Kang Taehyun, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:15:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28260753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phtaejun/pseuds/phtaejun
Summary: After not talking for nearly two years, Beomgyu knows being in a relationship with Taehyun is unlikely.And yet, he still can't let go of his feelings for him.ORBeomgyu finally takes the shot at a Christmas party.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 2
Kudos: 55





	before these tears turn into snow

The first few delicate flakes of snow steadily hovered in the air before sitting atop the wooden window sill, soon disappearing into the thick layer of snow before several more flakes repeated the same process. Chin resting in the palm of his right hand, Beomgyu calmly watched as the milky-white blanket continued to pile up, growing bigger with each passing second.

Such a big snowfall in the middle of December brought him three years into the past - ironically, those three years were the best years of his life. It was a time when it seemed as if nothing in the world mattered apart from Beomgyu himself and four others. 

One boy in particular, though, was different.

Kang Taehyun - that was his name. A mature adolescent with silky, golden hair and big, sepia eyes that’d take your breath away by a single glance. In Beomgyu’s perspective, he was the embodiment of perfection; from the way he talked to the way small crescents would form whenever he smiled or laughed. Everything about the boy was just _perfect_ without even trying to be.

Beomgyu didn't exactly know what was so different about Taehyun. Was it because the age gap between the two wasn’t so major? Or perhaps due to his easy-going nature? Whatever the reason was, Beomgyu became absolutely _mesmerized_ by the blonde. Maybe that’s why he caught feelings in the end.

But, of course, life had to get in the way of everything, which resulted in Taehyun leaving the city. The situation altogether felt very strange, as his departure occurred two months after Yeonjun and Soobin - two others in the group - moved away, too. Taehyun never really explained in detail why he wanted to move, the only reason he gave was “due to personal reasons”. Nonetheless, Beomgyu didn’t pressure him into doing so and, as soon as the dawn of a new winter commenced, watched the younger board the train whilst holding back any tears that had threatened to drop.

He regretted a lot of things that day. He regretted that he didn’t stop Taehyun, he regretted that he didn’t hug Taehyun, he regretted that he didn’t confess to Taehyun; neverending regrets he’d ever forget. He knew he should’ve at least given the boy one last piece of physical contact, but he didn’t - and he regretted it _so much._ Beomgyu felt as if his life was falling apart with no control over it. Sure, he had Hueningkai - the only person in the friendship group who didn’t move away, excluding Beomgyu - still, it wasn’t the same.

He missed Taehyun, and he couldn’t do anything about it.

In the midst of being lost in his thoughts, a curt buzz from his phone brought back his clarity. Beomgyu blinked quickly and fished for the electronic amongst the blanket he was snuggled up in. Via the notification on the lockscreen, he read who the sender was; Kai.

**[1:27PM]**

**_[hueningkai—]_ **

**_gyu! you doing anything on christmas day?_ **

  
  


Beomgyu cocked his head, confusion setting into his mind. Why would Kai be asking about Christmas so suddenly? Sure, the celebration was merely two weeks away, but he’d be lying if the text didn’t spark curiosity.

  
  


_[—]_

_nope, not as far as im aware of_

_why?_

**_[hueningkai—]_ **

**_well guess what!_ **

**_i’m inviting you to my place for a christmas .._ **

**_party? dinner? idk you can arrive in the afternoon but yeah !!_ **

**_christmas party @ my place on december 25th_ **

**_if you can come ofc >3<_ **

  
  


Beomgyu chuckled fondly as his eyes scanned the five texts all sent individually, already seeing the smile on his friend’s face as he typed out the invite with much enthusiasm. It wasn’t unnatural for Kai to randomly send out invitations to social gatherings on days people would already have plans on - in fact, it was probably Kai who organised the most get-togethers, despite being the youngest.

  
  


_[—]_

_oooo christmas party? im so down!_

**_[hueningkai—]_ **

**_yayyy !!! i’d hope you would come_ **

_[—]_

_why wouldnt i?_

_at christmas parties, you get free presents AND free food_

_best combination, if u ask me_

**_[hueningkai—]_ **

**_haha what else would i expect from you?_ **

**_party starts at three, but you can arrive earlier if you wanna_ **

**_don’t be late >:(((_ **

_[—]_

_i would never be late to such a thing_

_and uh, who else is coming..?_

**_[hueningkai—]_ **

**_ah right!_ **

**_the others are actually coming too !!_ **

  
  


For a moment, Beomgyu paused and almost felt the need to reread the second text. _The… others?_ he thought, eyes widening and heart beginning to beat faster for some unknown reason.

  
  


_[—]_

_u dont mean…_

_taehyun, yeonjun and soobin ??_

**_[hueningkai—]_ **

**_of course i mean them! who else would i be talking about?_ **

**_i called them yesterday to see if they could come down just to spend christmas w us, and they said yes !!_ **

  
  


This whole situation felt like a fever dream.

After one and a half years, Beomgyu was suddenly going to be reunited with the three people he lost contact with, yet still cared about? Part of him wanted to thank Kai for arranging an event with such a scattered friendship group, but that other part was… scared? Nervous? Beomgyu wasn’t so sure what he was feeling; maybe just a mixture of emotions. 

  
  


_[—]_

_wow … the five of us are actually coming together after so long_

_doesnt seem real_

**_[hueningkai—]_ **

**_well, it IS real, and you better get that into your head_ **

_[—]_

_would they need help bringing all their stuff down and going to your place_

_cuz theyre traveling by train, right?_

**_[hueningkai—]_ **

**_doesn’t seem like it_ **

**_i asked if they’d like us to meet them at the station, but they said they’ll manage_ **

**_oh yeah, turns out tyunnie is living really close to where junnie and binnie are, so he’ll come down w them !_ **

  
  


_Ah, right._

_Taehyun’s coming._

After leaving on an awkward note, Beomgyu really didn’t try to stay in touch, although he really did want to. And, by the looks of it, the younger didn’t make the effort, either. He wouldn’t say it was the _easiest_ task in the world - distancing from your crush would instinctively be the last thing anyone would willingly do. But, as time went by, Beomgyu found himself being occupied with other hobbies instead of the boy that took his heart.

That didn’t mean he _returned_ his heart, though.

Even after so long, the feelings wouldn’t change - Beomgyu was well aware. While his hands were busy strumming the guitar, his mind wouldn’t stop making up stories about him and Taehyun, sometimes causing Beomgyu to go crazy. 

  
  


**_[hueningkai—]_ **

**_gyu?_ **

**_you’re not over him yet, are you?_ **

  
  


Beomgyu scoffed and began typing out a response to change the sudden accusation.

  
  


_[—]_

_who said im not ??_

_kai, we havent spoken in almost two years now. at this rate, i dont think we could even have a relationship anymore_

**_[hueningkai—]_ **

**_but, you DO want one with him?_ **

_[—]_

_the distance is good enough_

**_[hueningkai—]_ **

**_is it good enough for you, though? you don’t seem very convincing, through these texts_ **

_[—]_

_how do u know that?_

_itd be easier if u were here, looking at me and hearing my tone of voice_

**_[hueningkai—]_ **

**_if i was there, would i be seeing a doubtful face with you trying to change the subject?_ **

**_don’t you get it, gyu? this is your chance - probably the only one you’re getting_ **

**_after christmas, he’s not gonna be coming down any time soon_ **

  
  


He knew Kai had a point - he always did. Whenever the two had a similar conversation, Kai was always there, giving his friend a push to take the shot. Beomgyu could almost hear his calm, collected voice through the messages as he feebly tried to shift the tense mood into a light-hearted one.

  
  


**_[hueningkai—]_ **

**_ik i can’t do much through a screen, but just know this:_ **

**_christmas would probably be the best time to tell him_ **

**_isn’t a confession the greatest gift someone could ever receive ??_ **

_[—]_

_not if the feeling isnt replicated_

**_[hueningkai—]_ **

**_but this one is!_ **

_[—]_

_how do u know that?_

**_[hueningkai—]_ **

**_how do you NOT know that?_ **

_[—]_

_???? cuz he hasnt given me any signs??_

_come on kai, be reasonable_

**_[hueningkai—]_ **

**_that’s what i’ve been trying to do this whole time!_ **

**_besides, you won’t know how he actually feels unless you ask him!_ **

  
  


Once again, Kai had a point.

Switching his phone off, Beomgyu tossed it onto the carpeted flooring with minimal force, leaving the younger on read, and blankly stared up at the ceiling. Was he just being a coward for not confessing? Or was he making the right choice by hiding in the shadows because it was the easier option? It was funny, how three simple words could shatter a whole relationship in a matter of seconds, and it just so happened that those same words were playing with his mind.

Still, Kai’s words continued to linger, reminding Beomgyu of the urge and push he was giving.

_Is it good enough for you, though?_

The honest response was a no; the distance wasn’t doing him _any_ good, actually. How he wished he’d done things differently in the past, maybe he could’ve been living a better, happier future with the love of his life. 

If he gave in and confessed, would he have that?

 _You won’t know how he actually feels unless you ask him,_ Beomgyu silently repeated another set of Kai’s words. Taehyun might actually love him back and was just waiting for the right time - so why not jump ahead and get it over and done with so both persons won’t have to wait in anxiousness?

That’s when he made up his mind.

He couldn’t keep holding back.

Not when the answer was merely out of reach.

He couldn’t wait any longer.

Nothing was stopping him. He was going to take the shot.

**———**

Two weeks went by pretty quickly - faster than Beomgyu initially expected. It felt like yesterday when Kai invited him to the party, but obviously, that wasn’t the case since Christmas day had actually arrived. 

Carrying a black and red duffle bag over his right shoulder, Beomgyu casually strolled along the glossy, marble pavement leading to the entrance of Kai’s studio loft. Beomgyu always loved the aesthetic of lofts, so it wasn’t very surprising that he got jealous once the news of Kai buying one came out. But, it became a good excuse to visit him every now and then. 

Rapping his knuckles against the plywood, Beomgyu fiddled with the bag straps as he patiently waited for the door to be answered. Less than a minute later, the rattling of a steel latch was heard on the inside and the door swung open, him being greeted with a beaming Hueningkai. 

A thick, striped sweater was draped over the boy’s torso and the cuffs of his denim jeans were just above his ankles, a white beanie placed gently atop his head finishing the casual look, brown hair naturally curling at the ends. “Beomgyu!” he welcomed eagerly and gave the elder a quick hug. “Here, come in!”

As Kai closed the door behind him, Beomgyu entered the cozy studio and slipped off his black and white Converses, shoving them into the corner of the corridor. Similarly to the other times he came, the atmosphere was warm and embracing, the faint crackling sound of fire in earshot; most likely coming from somewhere in the next room. Like most lofts, it was small and two-story - the second platform big enough to only fit a single bed and a handful of additional furniture - but in spite of that, it was the perfect size to live comfortably in, regardless of how many residents it held.

“Am I early?” Beomgyu questioned and plopped his bag down onto the nearest sofa, taking note of how uninhabited the place was. “Or is everyone just late?”

“Eh, could be one way or the other,” Kai replied coolly, “depends on which way you look at it. But, they should arrive soon enough, so make yourself comfy while we wait~”

“Where should I put these..?” Beomgyu waved a small box-shaped item wrapped in red and silver paper as an attempt to grab his attention, pulling a second wrapped present out of the bag with his other hand.

“Ah! Presents go over there!” Kai pointed at a white mantelpiece located in the middle of the wall, logs inside the firebox already set alight. “You can put them next to the candles.”

After gathering four identical boxes, Beomgyu made his way towards the brick mantelpiece decorated with tinsel, cool shades of baubles and five, tall crimson candles. “You sure it’s safe to put the presents next to the candles? I don’t wanna burn the whole house down.”

“Just be smart about it,” Kai retorted as he made his way towards the kitchen, “unless you wanna put them on the floor in front of the fireplace.”

“I _can_ do that; this _is_ your place, after all,” Beomgyu remarked sarcastically and laid the presents around the lit candles. “Is there anything you want me to do while we wait?”

“Don’t think so,” Kai replied, taking a couple bags of snacks out from the cupboards, “you can prepare for later tonight, though - I’d recommend you do so.”

Beomgyu glanced over his shoulder. “What?"

“You’re doing it, right?” Kai’s gaze suddenly softened. “You’re taking the shot?”

“Oh.” He’d completely forgotten about the bold decision he made two weeks ago to confess to Taehyun. He cleared his throat, “U-Um… yeah I’m doing it-”

_Knock! Knock! Knock!_

“They’re here!” Kai dropped all the snacks he was holding onto the table beneath him and ran to the door, that animated grin already plastered on his face the moment the knocks were heard. Without hesitation, he flung the door wide open and his eyes widened instantly.

“Hey guys! Wow, it’s been so long!” Beomgyu heard Kai exclaim, unable to see him or the guests from where he was. “Soobin, you’ve grown taller!”

“What about me?” That was Yeonjun’s voice, for sure. “Haven’t _I_ grown taller?”

“Eh, maybe. But Taehyun’s still the same height!”

A scoff that, to Beomgyu, sounded all too familiar, “This is why I don’t come up here, you’ll only end up teasing me.”

 _Kang Taehyun._ Just hearing the voice he’d longed for made his heart twist in ways he couldn’t describe. _I’ve missed you so much._

“Then, today better be good, otherwise you’re not gonna come here ever again! Now hurry up and come in already! Beomgyu’s inside somewhere.”

“Are we late-” The second Soobin appeared, his gaze instinctively found Beomgyu’s. Without hesitation, he tossed himself in for a hug. “Beomgyu~!”

Beomgyu repeated the action, snaking his arms around the taller’s back. “Hey, Soobin,” he smiled as his eyes watched the other guests enter the room. Man, how much he had missed this type of affection.

“Wow, you changed your hair,” Yeonjun noted, staring at the top of Beomgyu’s head. “Wasn’t it, like, grey the last time we saw each other?”

“No, actually, it was _silver_. I see you changed your hair, too.”

Yeonjun turned away and smirked, satisfied with the observation. “Was getting tired of the blue, so I decided to go a bit crazy.”

“Well, it looks good on yo-” That’s when Taehyun came into view. Quietly standing beside Kai, he studied the loft before making eye contact with Beomgyu. Sporting the same vivid, blonde hair as all those years ago, he softly gazed at the elder with those big, sepia eyes. “Hi, Beomgyu.” 

Those two words alone sounded like honey; sweet and addicting, golden syrup dripping from his voice. Beomgyu found himself begging for Taehyun to say more, yearning to continue listening to the silvery voice absent from his ears for too long. “H-Hi, Taehyun,” he quivered, barely able to muster out a full sentence.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah, i-it’s been a bit…” Beomgyu wasn’t able to say more - perhaps the way his eyes sparkled whilst he lovingly stared at the latter got his point across. His point? He missed Taehyun more than he knew. No wonder the feelings didn’t change.

Fearing that an awkward silence would settle in, Kai suddenly clapped and suggested, “Now that everyone’s here, why don’t we get started? You guys can sit on the couch just there, I’m sure we all have a lot to talk about!”

**———**

The day went on just as expected. Following the quick exchange of gifts, the five boys conversed about their own lives; new interests, new places, new houses - new life, basically. Before arriving, Beomgyu thought that everyone would’ve been slightly awkward with one another, especially after the lengthy distance. But instead, it was quite the opposite.

Surprisingly, the bond they held all those years ago seemed to come right back naturally; as if it was a part of them. Similarly to puzzle pieces slotting next to each other, the conversation flowed like water streaming downhill - with ease and satisfaction - it felt like a miracle how easy it was for the boys to swiftly change from one topic to another. 

Daylight shortly became nighttime, a crescent moon dazzling brightly above while miniscule stars dotted the inky sky. At this hour, although no one left the party yet, it seemed like everyone was just doing their own thing. Kai and Soobin were quickly clearing up the used plates and cutlery, Yeonjun was busy exploring the loft, Beomgyu was on his phone and Taehyun was nowhere to be seen. 

_I wonder where he is…_ Switching his phone off, Beomgyu lifted his head from the couch he was lying on and looked around. “Anyone know where Taehyun is?”

“Saw him out in the backyard, I think,” Yeonjun replied from the second story, reaching over the balcony. "Or he could just be in the bathroom.”

“I’ll go to the backyard.” Beomgyu stood up and began making his way to the back door, slipping his phone into his pants pocket. He was about to reach for the door handle before Kai, who was standing beside the kitchen sink, caught his eye. The boy gave a faint, encouraging smile which translated into the message, _“You can do it”_. 

_Can I, though?_ Beomgyu felt the doubt hitting him as his movements faltered. Was he _really_ willing to sacrifice a three-year friendship for the sake of his own feelings? The realisation that he might end the day with a broken heart only just dawned upon him, but wouldn’t that be better than continuing to keep how he felt a secret? 

_No, I can do this._ Nodding back to Kai in affirmation, he twisted the handle and opened the door. Immediately, he spotted Taehyun leaning against the metal railing, back facing towards him. Forcing down a gulp, Beomgyu slowly closed the door and carefully approached the latter, hoping to not ruin the tranquil atmosphere. 

“Come to join me?” Taehyun asked, keeping his eyes focused on the snow-covered backyard. 

“You could see it that way,” Beomgyu replied and stood next to him. “Why are you here, though? It’s cold.”

“I took a liking to the cold after I moved. What about you? Surely you didn’t come out here just to accompany me.”

“I- um…” His voice trailed off and that familiar, yet infuriating feeling returned. Why couldn’t he just say what he wanted to say?

“Beomgyu?” Taehyun turned to him once he didn’t say anything more. When Beomgyu connected the gaze with his own, he was almost left breathless. In the clear moonlight, Taehyun looked _gorgeous_ , he swore there were at least a thousand stars in his eyes, creating countless constellations. Lips slightly turned upwards, the wind blew tenderly against his hair; he looked like he jumped straight out of an anime with how stunning his visuals were.

“Are you okay?” Taehyun’s voice snapped the clarity back into Beomgyu. “You look… lost.”

“Oh uh… s-sorry, I…” A chuckle left Beomgyu’s lips as he shook his head. “Just zoned out a bit, that’s all. I came out here because… there’s some things I wanna talk about.”

Furrowing his brows, Taehyun stirred slightly so that he was in a comfortable position, but still facing him. “Okay then, go ahead.”

A shaky exhale was released, his breath turning white with the cold, as his heart accelerated. “There are, um… a lot of things I regret in this world.” Regret. That’s how he was starting and, strangely, how he feared this conversation would end.

“Well, everyone regrets a lot of things in their lives,” he continued. “But, without that, nobody would be living a life at all, right? ‘Cause, in order to live a good life, you need to make mistakes. Another thing you need to live a good life is the knowledge on how to fix situations - especially the ones where you know the outcome won’t be optimistic if you just leave it.”

“So, in order to live a life, you need to make mistakes and know how to fix those mistakes.” Beomgyu allowed himself to take a breath before continuing, praying that he wouldn’t pass out right there and then. 

“When you left that day, it felt awful. _I_ felt awful. And then, we somehow grew distant and lost sight of each other. I thought that would help, but it only made the longing worse.”

If Taehyun didn’t catch on before, then he did now. Beomgyu knew he wasn’t stupid and that it wouldn’t take much explaining to reveal his feelings, and yet, he still couldn’t read the boy. 

“I didn’t tell you before you left because I was scared - I’m still scared now. There were times where the timing felt perfect, but I didn’t want to worry or put a burden on you, so I just left it. But, turns out leaving it wasn’t the best option…”

He felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes, but quickly blinked them back. “This is a mistake I need to fix,” he breathed. “If I don’t fix this now, I don’t think I ever will.”

What else was there to say? Beomgyu thought he had said everything without actually saying, _“I love you”_ , so now, all he had to do was wait for an answer.

A moment of dreadful silence before Taehyun responded, “You’re waiting for me to say the more positive response?”

“No,” Beomgyu shook his head. “Of course, I want you to say that, but I can’t let you if you don’t feel the same way. I’ll know whether you’re lying or not by your gestures; actions convey more than words.”

“If that’s the case, then this will convey how I feel.”

Suddenly, the younger motioned closer and reached both hands out to touch Beomgyu’s shoulders, Beomgyu frozen in place. With the close proximity, he practically thought Taehyun was about to kiss him.

And he did. 

On the forehead.

The moment a pair of soft lips pressed against his temples, Beomgyu felt all the doubt and regret dissipated. Sure, it wasn’t where he expected, but no other kiss had ever felt as tender and loving as the one Beomgyu just experienced.

Hands still holding Beomgyu’s shoulders, Taehyun leaned back and gazed at him, eyes full of love and warmth. “You not telling me was _never_ a mistake. Even if it was, you got the outcome you wished for.” He snaked his arms around Beomgyu’s waist. “I _do_ love you.”

When the first tear fell, Beomgyu replicated the action and buried his face into the boy’s neck, unable to hold back any emotions. “You know,” he mumbled, “the day you left, I actually wanted to hug you.”

He heard a quiet laugh, “Well, you can now hug me whenever you want.”

Beomgyu felt the white snow fall from above. “And I’m never gonna let you go again.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading this oneshot ! i wrote it especially for christmas hehe  
> this is mainly inspired by the song, "Namida ga Yuki ni Naru Mae ni", sung by Kanan Matsuura and Mari Ohara :D


End file.
